72 Projects

My collage:

My digital visual health narrative:

Artist’s statement:

The inspiration for my collage was the memoir “What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing From Complex Trauma” by Stephanie Foo. The book follows her journey with complex PTSD (CPTSD), a form of PTSD that stems from years of repeated traumas (in her case, being raised by emotionally and physically abusive parents). I wanted to capture the pattern described by the author: that many with CPTSD reduce the stage of their life where they were traumatized to only those painful moments, minimizing or erasing the happy or mundane in betweens. Backdropped against pictures of safe spaces (home, nature) are fragments of facial expressions, items or actions of real/perceived danger, and blank colors, all with jagged edges. This is meant to reflect the “potholed” memories left behind, along with the central photo of the puzzle pieces.

The Queen’s Gambit is a limited series released to Netflix on October 23rd, 2020. It is classified as a coming-of-age period drama, set from 1957 to 1968 against the backdrop of Cold War-era America, and follows the life of Elizabeth (Beth) Harmon, an orphaned young chess prodigy who aspires to become the greatest player in the world. However, as her rating rises, she struggles with her obsessive competitive drive, isolation, and grief, leading to drug and alcohol addictions that threaten her chances at becoming the best. The penultimate episode six, “Adjournment”, sees Beth floating between “good” and “bad” influences while preparing for two upcoming matches against Russian chess player and reigning world champion, Alexei Borgov. Other significant characters include Beth’s late birth mother, Alice Harmon, Beth’s adoptive mother, Alma Wheatley, and Benny Watts, a fellow American player who develops from a rival into a friend, mentor, and romantic partner.

The Queen’s Gambit demonstrates that while there are such things as good and bad decisions, these do not always make a good or bad person. Stark distinctions rarely exist, and addiction and trauma are emphasized as powerful influences that can lead good people to bad choices that hurt themselves and the people they care about. This is exemplified throughout “Adjournment”, with the episode’s arc following Beth’s worsening attempts to control her self-destructive impulses and how this shapes her relationships. She begins by traveling to New York, where she spends a few months living with Benny, improving her game, making new connections, and importantly, getting sober. However, the night before her first match against Borgov, she caves and goes out drinking, leading to her waking up late the next morning. She loses badly, returning to her late mother’s home where she falls into a deep downward spiral. The key scenes of this episode tie back to relationships in Beth’s life that have been affected by trauma and/or addiction that she wants to either strengthen or sever, most notably those between Beth and her adoptive mother (Alma Wheatley), and Beth and Benny. These relationships are imperfect, and even occasionally contradictory, but just like their characters, are never solely categorized as good or bad because what matters are the complex inner workings that drive people’s actions.

The first key scene comes immediately following Beth’s loss to Borgov (only the third loss of her career), which has left her devastated and deeply rattled. Beth is flying alone on an airplane while a voiceover of her phone call with Benny plays (33:33), where the two argue over the negative impacts of her addictions on her chess and her plans ahead of the rematch. Benny has remained steadfastly against her drinking and drug use, and it is clear to the audience that Beth is making objectively bad decisions here that will hurt them both; dismissing all of his concerns and offers of help before telling him she intends to self-isolate and go on a bender. However, the visual elements of the scene communicate that Beth’s actions are coming from a place of pain, rather than a spiteful urge to lash out. Beth is typically positioned very upright and proper, but here, she is shown with her body protectively curled in on itself in the plane seat, and while she is cast in shadow, she is facing the brightly lit center aisle, watching as others converse amongst themselves and receive drinks from the flight attendant. The focus of the lighting emphasizes her lack of direction after losing, and how she views her vices as a lifeline in this time of uncertainty. Additionally, the scene choosing to show the plane interior, rather than Benny on the other end of the phone call, also serves to visualize Beth’s sense of isolation and disconnection: while flying, she is physically unmoored from the rest of the world, and despite Benny’s promises, she feels that he cannot truly be there for her in this moment.

The next significant scene comes after Beth arrives home in Kentucky, where Beth is confronted by Alma’s estranged husband, Allston Wheatley, who abandoned her and Beth mere weeks after the adoption, but now wishes to kick her out of the house to sell it. Alma herself passes away at the end of the fourth episode, but remains a significant figure in Beth’s life whom she makes efforts to feel closer to throughout “Adjournment”. Allston’s appearance instigates an argument that starts with the house, but ultimately ties back to how each character views Alma, and consequently, her long struggles with trauma and addiction. Allston describes Alma as pathetic, and it would be easy for Beth to remain silent, or even choose to blame her in this moment, sitting with the only parent she has left and grappling with addictions that Alma herself planted the seeds for during Beth’s adolescence. Alma is the one who introduced her to drinking, drank with her in times of sadness, ignored her stealing her medications, and downplayed Beth’s concerns about her alcohol consumption until it killed her, and yet, Beth rises to her mother’s defence without question, telling Allston, “Alma was not pathetic, she was stuck. There’s a difference. She didn’t know how to get out of it” (37:33). In this line, both Beth and Alma are given grace for their flaws. Alma, in spite of her many mistakes, is ultimately forgiven by her daughter, who sees them alongside her challenging circumstances, and chooses empathy.. Alternatively, with the background of their shared hardships, Beth’s words can also apply to herself here, describing the pain of being trapped in one’s own life while literally wrapped in her mother’s house robe. This point of connection further emphasizes Beth’s helplessness at this point in her journey, while suggesting her capacity for healing. Much like her mother, Beth is not oblivious to her flaws or the consequences of her actions, but is still unable to shake the control her addictions hold over her; it takes much further introspection (and many more mistakes) for her to offer herself the same understanding before the series’ end.