8 Culture Shock in Russia: Hospitality

Hospitality is a very important aspect of Russian culture, and understanding and respecting these customs will ensure a pleasant and respectful visit. One of the first things you will learn about hospitality is that food is more than just food – sharing a meal together is a ritual that fosters closer friendships and establishes contact. A well-laid table is a sign of respect to the guest in Russian culture, and hosts might become upset if the guest rejects food. Accepting and eating everything that is offered (unless there is a medical reason to refuse specific foods) is a sign of respect to the hosts. This is different from American customs, where guests might feel free to decline food without causing offense.

Home gatherings are usually preferred to meeting at cafés or restaurants, which contrasts with American customs where socializing frequently happens in public spaces. In summer, it is common to invite guests to a dacha (the summer house) or even to a get-together at a park or a riverbank. Home gatherings are likely to feature an abundance of food, while remote locations have more specific menus, such as shashlik (a type of barbecue) with fresh and grilled vegetables. Additionally, you might be invited to a sauna or bathhouse, an experience often accompanied by eating shrimp or crawfish with beer, an activity traditionally enjoyed by men.

During a feast in Russia and similar cultures, guests are typically served traditional dishes. If there is a specific reason for a celebration, it is also customary to say long toasts, adding to the sense of occasion and deepening social bonds. Unlike in American culture, where a quick “Cheers!” might suffice, elaborate toasts are a long-standing tradition. Elaborate and heart-felt toasts demonstrate that people care to include wishes and references specific to the occasion or those gathered. Detailed toasting is a way for the guests to express their gratitude and respect to the hosts, and for the hosts it is a way to reinforce their welcome to the guests. 

For less formal gatherings and the closer your relationship with the hosts, the more likely you are to find yourself in the kitchen rather than at the big table in the dining or living room. This reflects the intimacy and warmth of Russian hospitality, contrasting with the more formal dining settings often preferred in the U.S. There is even a concept of “kitchen talk” in Russian culture when people eat together in the kitchen and then stay there for hours to keep talking about life.

Foreigners often wonder if they will be expected to drink alcohol during get-togethers with Russian-speaking people. It is true that for many Eastern European cultures, sharing a drink is often a significant social ritual that helps break down barriers, foster connections, and demonstrate a welcoming attitude. This practice is mostly gender-dependent, as it is men who often see it as a key part of building camaraderie and trust with other men. Sometimes, refusing a drink may be interpreted as a lack of interest or even a rejection of the offered friendship, which could inadvertently create distance between you and your host. Additionally, some men might become competitive about drinking with foreigners, seeing it as a friendly challenge.

On any occasion, tea and coffee are commonly offered, reinforcing the hospitable atmosphere. It is also customary in Russian culture to offer tea or coffee whenever someone stops by. Unlike the expectation to never refuse food and drink during feasts and regular sit-down dinner occasions, it is totally acceptable to refuse the offer of tea or coffee in shorter encounters. For closer relationships, Russians also practice an “open doors” policy, where friends and family are welcome to visit without prior notice. This contrasts with American traditions, where planned visits are more common even for close relationships, and surprise visits are less typical. While it is not expected, it is customary to bring something “for the tea” (“к чаю”) when stopping by unannounced or for a short period of time.

It is important to note that, oddly enough, in Russian culture, a tribute to politeness is the initial refusal of the offer of food by the hosts. The guest needs to show that he came to communicate, and not to eat. But caring hosts will offer food again and will continue to offer food even after the second refusal, since the treat is a sign of respect for the guest. Thus, guests and hosts perform a so-called “dance” with offers and refusals until the guest accepts the treat. This aspect of hospitality can become a small obstacle in communication between Russian-speaking people and Americans. In American culture, it is customary to respect a person’s choice, so after a refusal, a second offer usually does not follow. Therefore, for Russian-speaking people unfamiliar with American culture, it may be upsetting that they are not offered anything after they refused the first offer out of politeness. And Americans may feel ignored when Russian-speaking hosts continue to offer food after the refusal. But these are all different manifestations of politeness and hospitality, and knowledge of these traditions is very important when adapting to a new culture.

Gift-giving is another important aspect of Russian hospitality: the common expectation is to never come empty-handed. During planned visits, it is always customary for guests to bring a small gift for the host, such as flowers, chocolates, or a bottle of wine. Any edible gifts from the guests will be shared at the same gathering: it is not customary to keep it for another time. It is important to note that guests should not bring any cooked dishes, as it will be somewhat disrespectful to the hosts who prepared the meal. But anything packaged or store-bought will always be appreciated. While Americans also practice gift-giving, it is not as universally expected and formalized as in Russia.

When visiting a Russian home, it is important to be mindful of certain do’s and don’ts to show respect and appreciation for the hosts. First, come hungry, as sharing a meal is a central aspect of Russian hospitality. Bringing a small gift is customary, and it is always a nice gesture to bring something for the children of the hosts. Upon entering the home, it is polite to take off your shoes. Prepare a toast in advance to thank your hosts, and compliment something specific in the apartment or on the table to show your appreciation and attention to their life. While complimenting something in the house is a sign of respect to the hosts, be cautious with compliments; if you praise something excessively, the hosts might feel obliged to give it to you as a present – or something similar and not necessarily on that same day.

On the other hand, there are certain things you should avoid. If bringing flowers as a gift, always select bouquets with multiple flowers, and if selecting a bouquet with flowers that can be counted (usually, less than 10), make sure to bring an odd number of flowers, because an even number is associated with funerals.

Although your offer to help clean up will likely be declined, making the gesture is a polite custom at the end of the evening. Hosts starting to clean up after the dessert or guests offering help to clean up might indicate the end of the gathering. This point in time cannot be predicted or planned, as it is customary to stay as long as the visit is enjoyable to show respect for each other. For that reason, it is wise not to plan anything immediately after the visit, as get-togethers do not typically have a specific ending time. Getting together is a sign of bonding, and they can go well into the evening if hosts and guests feel comfortable with each other. Having anything else planned for later that day might signal to the hosts that you have set a specific time limit for meeting them, which can be perceived as too formal and maybe even disrespectful, indicating a lack of interest in socializing with them.

At first glance, the customs of Russian hospitality do not differ significantly from American hospitality: both cultures connect sharing food and drink, toasting, and gift-giving to hospitality. However, some more specific expectations and rituals make these customs more intense for Russian-speaking people. Being prepared to visit a home in a Russian-speaking country and being equipped with the knowledge about local hospitality customs can help you navigate social invitations with ease and avoid misunderstandings.