As noted in Chapter 2, gender is a social construct, meaning there is no objective reality regarding gender identity (or norms) or sexual norms. Instead, humans create, sustain, and reproduce norms through their communication and by condemning or condoning certain behaviors.

Culture and Gender

Despite notions regarding gender becoming slightly more liberal in the U.S., by and large, the United States and other Western cultures, still embrace a binary view of gender (i.e., man and woman). However, other cultures have more fluid orientations to gender that break-free from the binary.

For instance, Indigenous communities embrace the notion of “two-spirited” for individuals that do not identity as a man or a woman (Jacobs, Thomas, & Lang, 1997). Instead, a two-spirt individual reflects a third gender in which the two-spirited individuals feels connected to both a masculine and feminine spirit. Historically, two-spirited folks are revered in their communities, seen as visionaries and healers. However, they are not always celebrated by all and are victims to discrimination and hate-crimes as well, as you will see in the Two-Spirit documentary.

In Brazil, travestis, transgender prostitutes, demonstrate the fluid and culturally bound notions of gender.  Travestis are biological males whose gender expression is that of a woman, including adopting a female name and pronouns and dressing femininely (Kulick, 1998). Moreover, travestis often ingest large quantities of female hormones and use silicone fillers to modify their bodies to appear femiinie, including creating breasts, rounded hips, and a fuller butt. Interestingly, despite their gender expression travestis rarely identify as a woman and are disturbed by males who do. In other words, travetis occupy a space in which they identify as men, but present as woman.

A final example of how culture dictates gender is the phenomenon of bacha posh, dressing up as a boy, in Afghanistan. The cultural restrictions place on woman, including not being able to obtain an education, work outside of the home, or go in public without a male chaperone, present challenge to families without any biological male sons. As a result, a daughter is selected to “become a boy” so she can help her family out by being able to run errands, go to school, or simply  leave the house without a chaperone. The daughter will cut her hair, change her name, and dress in “boy clothes.” The practice is so common that extended family and social network members go along with the rouse and ask no questions when a daughter becomes a social boy and again, often after puberty, when the social boy returns to be a daughter again.

Culture and Sexual Norms

In addition to culture’s influence on notions of gender, culture also influences sexual norms, prescriptions or proscriptions for sexual behaviors (Lapinski & Rimal, 2005). In other words, what men and women “should” and “shouldn’t do” sexually.

When thinking about sexual norms, it’s important to understand that these norms often operate on two levels: actual and perceived norms.

An actual norm refers to what is common or what most people are actually doing, whereas a perceived norm is what we think most people are doing (Pariera, 2016). In regard to sexual behavior, our perceived norms are often incongruent with actual norms resulting in misperceived norms (Pariera, 2016). For instance, college students often believe their peers are having a lot more sex than they are. In a study by Sullivan and Stephenson (2009) college aged participants thought that, on average, their peers had had sex with 16 people (perceived norm), but the actual number of reported sexual partners was 8. In another study, Martens and colleagues (2006) found that college students thought their peers engaged in oral, vaginal, and anal sex more frequently than they actually did. Further, the perceived norm of more frequent sex corresponded with increases in students’ own sexual behavior. As evidenced, norms, especially misperceived norms, are significant because they often end up influencing our own sexual behaviors.

In the U.S., we have robust and fairly rigid sexual norms for men and women. Our culture tells us what “good girls” and “good boys” do or don’t do in the bedroom.

Sexual norms become the foundation for sexual scripts which “define behaviors that correspond with a culture’s expectations about what happens when, where, how, why, and by whom” (Noland, 2010, p. 25). That is, sexual scripts tell us what to expect and how to behave in sexual interactions.

Sexual scripts operate on a cultural and individual level, often with our cultural-level scripts influencing individual level ones. Scripts can, at times, be helpful and innocuous as they allow us to reduce uncertainty and understand how an interaction should unfold. In other words, a script serves as a blueprint (Noland, 2010). Think of a first date. What are some the expectations? What are some “off-limit” or taboo behaviors? Topics of conversation? The scaffolding we have for a first date is guided by cultural sexual scripts. How we do, or don’t, enact these scripts is reflective of our interpersonal level scripts.

At other times, sexual scripts can be damaging, such is the case with token resistance, women refusing (or pretending to refuse) sex when they want or intend to consent to sex (Osman, 2003).  Although token resistance allows men and women to uphold sexual norms, such as women being sexually passive while simultaneously desiring sex (and spontaneous and adventurous sex at that! You know, as Ludacris said, “we want a lady in the streets and a freak in the bed.”) and men being sexually aggressive and exerting control over women, it has negative consequences. First, it limits women’s options for “appropriate” sexual behavior. A woman who rejects the idea of token resistance and initiates sex is socially sanctioned, often by being called derogatory terms such as a “slut” or is considered “loose.” Second, token resistance contributes to rape culture and is often used as justification for sexual coercion or assault just think of Robin Thicke singing “you’re a good girl…I know you want it…I hate these blurred lines.” Through token resistance men and women are taught that “no means yes.”

As evidenced in this chapter, norms and scripts are powerful factors that not only set expectations for sexual behavior but also influence our sexual behavior. The powerful influence of sexual norms an scripts necessitates the need for open, clear, and accurate communication about sexual norms so we can reduce or eliminate misperceived norms and help communicate actual norms to ensure healthy sexual relationships.