8 Sex: Biology, Emotion and Desire
*Please be aware that this chapter is sexual in nature. Materials will describe reproductive anatomy, sexual behavior, and sexual arousal— some visuals and supporting materials will be embedded throughout. Sexual assault is discussed in some instances.*
When we say, “sex,” what comes to mind? Very likely no two people reading this will answer that question in the same way. Sex is a complex and multi-dimensional concept—we use the term to describe biological and physiological processes, stimulating sexual and reproductive behaviors, and intimate emotions which are influenced by endocrinology, psychology, and sociocultural norms. Over the next two chapters we will begin to recognize the breadth and depth of sex by exploring some important (not so basic) biological basics, emotions and experiences with sex, the process of arousal, consent, fluidity of sexual behavior, and emerging technological considerations.
Back to the (Not so Basic) Basics – Biology and Sex
Comprehensive sexual and reproductive health education is not required or standardized in public school systems across the United States, meaning each state possesses the responsibility to create and enforce policies around providing this vital information to young people. Currently only 39 states and the District of Colombia require sex education and/or HIV education (Sex and HIV education, 2020). Additional state level requirements around content inclusion or exclusion makes the information received even more variable.
We also know that families are different (think of the Family-of-Origin chapter), this includes how families approach sex and the acceptability of adolescents learning about sex within or outside of the home. It’s important to recognize that educational policies, familial norms, and societal norms impact each of us, differentially influencing our understanding of sex. Here we hope to explore a few important elements.
Biological/Natal Sex
Biological sex, sex assigned at birth, or natal sex are terms used interchangeably to describe the sex a baby is assigned at birth based on the external anatomical characteristics a baby is born with (National LGBT Health Education Center, 2017). Sex assigned at birth is different than gender identity because it simply refers to the sex organs and genitalia that someone is born with rather than their deep knowledge of personal identity (Planned Parenthood-sex and gender identity, 2020). There are three general iterations of biological sex—male, female, and intersex, but even within these available categories there is a lot of variation (Planned Parenthood-sex and gender identity, 2020).
Female: People who are assigned female at birth are born with a vulva, clitoris, vagina, uterus, and ovaries. The ovaries produce a large amount of the female sex hormones called estrogen and progesterone, and they are where egg cells originate and mature. Egg cells are the female sex cells which transfer DNA to offspring, if that egg cell successfully combines with a male sperm cell. Females most likely have XX chromosomes.
View this video for a fun and detailed description of female reproductive anatomy.
Male: People assigned male at birth have testes, a scrotum, and a penis. Testes produce a large amount of the male sex hormone called testosterone, and they are the headquarters for sperm production. Sperm are male sex cells which transfer DNA to offspring, if that sperm cell successfully combines with a female egg cell. Males most likely have XY chromosomes..
View this video for a fun and detailed description of male reproductive anatomy.
Sexual Response Cycle
The sexual response cycle is a multi-stage process in which the body is sexually stimulated, thus triggering physiological preparation for sex; these stages include excitement, plateau, release, and resolution and will be described further below (Masters & Johnson, 1966). Since the identification of this cycle, however, additional evidence clarifies that every person is unique, meaning that different people may experience the sexual response cycle in a different way; with this is mind we also recognize that the sexual response cycle may vary within the same person from episode to episode of arousal. In some instances, not every stage of the cycle will occur (Basson, 2015). A clear example of this is the release stage, more commonly known as orgasm. It is typical for humans to become aroused in situations where release is inappropriate. The body is perfectly capable of skipping over release to resolution, or the natural decline from arousal to an unaroused state.
The sexual response cycle ebbs and flows throughout the life course (Bancroft, 2005; Basson, 2015). Hormonal, or endocrine, activity is implicated throughout the cycle of arousal; therefore, hormonal changes during puberty and young adulthood encourage surges in sexual arousal while aging and biological processes like menopause may decrease hormone production and sexual arousal (Bancroft, 2005). Stress, trauma, and low mood are all associated with fluctuations in sexual response throughout a person’s life, demonstrating the influence of co-occurring conditions and environmental factors on arousal (Basson, 2015).
Excitement (Desire)
The onset of excitement or desire may very well be due to intentional sexual stimulation, like anticipating sex with a partner, or purposefully seeking out pornographic imagery. However, becoming excited or aroused may be unintentional, at times even spontaneous and unwanted– see more about Sexual Non-concordance below. Physiological responses to excitement or desire often include increased blood flow and swelling in the genitalia, nipples hardening, increased heart rate, flush, vaginal lubrication (wetness), and scrotal swelling (Sexual Response Cycle, 2017).
Desire and excitement can likewise be influenced by emotional engagement and other forms of intimacy. Long-term partnerships are an excellent case example of multidimensional desire over time. What happens to desire when newness and sexual excitement feign within a relationship? Esther Perel discusses desire during the life course in her TED talk, “The secret to desire in a long-term relationship.” Within this talk Perel also provides beautiful and nuanced descriptions of eroticism which continue to welcome pleasure into acts of sex, strengthening relationships and tipping the hat to the intricacy of sex and emotions.
Plateau (Sexual Arousal)
The plateau of sexual arousal is a sustained phase in which the physical symptoms described in Excitement intensify and muscle tension increases. Extreme arousal may also include heavy breathing and unpredictable muscle spasms in parts of the body like the feet or hands (Sexual Response Cycle, 2017).
Release (Orgasm)
Orgasm is the spasm and release of muscle tension, or muscle contractions within the genitalia and pelvis. For males this may also include ejaculation of semen from the penis (Sexual Response Cycle, 2017).
Many sexually stimulating behaviors can induce orgasm, including vaginal sex, anal sex, oral sex, non-penetrative clitoral or vulvar stimulation, digital stimulation, masturbation and many more. Sexually stimulating behaviors are more numerous than we are generally led to believe; this may be because we more often think about sexual behaviors in terms of their tangible outcomes like pregnancy and/or sexually transmitted infections and less often consider consensual pleasure.
Resolution
Resolution in the sexual response cycle is much like resolve at the end of a storyline plot. This is when arousal diminishes, and the body returns to more normal function. Physically, blood flow and swelling of genitalia will decrease, vaginal lubrication will cease, and heart rate will slow. In situations where orgasm precedes resolution, a person may feel muscle relaxation, or tiredness, and there will be a delay of time before arousal is physiologically or physically possible again (particularly for male bodies; Bancroft, 2005; Sexual Response Cycle, 2017).
Arousal Non-concordance: One of the Most Important Things that You Never Learned About
*Please be aware that this video discusses the discordant relationship between sexual violence and unwanted arousal.*
We have spent much of this chapter recognizing how biological and physiological elements of sex and behavior align with emotions to facilitate wanted and enjoyable sexual experiences. Great sex is possible, and it is our goal! However, it is now time to acknowledge one of the most important, and least discussed, elements of sexual wellness: arousal non-concordance. This may include mental and emotional arousal without the presence of physiological signs, like vaginal lubrication. Alternatively, arousal non-concordance may be unwanted involuntary physiological reactions to sexual stimulation. Sexual health educator Emily Nagoski explains this misunderstood phenomenon to help us build scientifically informed and compassionate responses to arousal non-concordance, particularly for survivors of sexual violence in this video.
Nagoski’s talk also encourages us to be knowledgeable about sex, to be compassionate, to be hopeful, and to actively advocate for sexual consent and justice for survivors of violence. The following chapter will continue to help us process what consent is, what consent is not.
Points to Ponder:
- Why is there such variability in comprehensive sexual health education in the United States?
- o Do I believe I received enough information as a young person to make informed sexual health decisions?
- o What would I have wanted to know more about?
- Is there a disconnect between how our society talks about sex and pleasure?
- o If so, why?
- o If so, what can be done to reintroduce pleasure and enjoyment into healthy conversations about sex?
- What role do I think sex (whatever sex means to you) plays in our lives and our relationships?
- What role do I play in destigmatizing sex and sexual relationships in society?
- Why is it important to understand something about the biological, physiological, and emotional parts of sex?
- What questions do I have about sexual consent (keep for the next chapter)?
Want to know more?
Perel, E. (2006). Mating in captivity: reconciling the erotic and the domestic / Esther Perel. New York: HarperCollins.
Buss, D. (2016). The evolution of desire: strategies of human mating. New York: Basic Books.
TEDx Talks and other videos
TEDResidency. ( 2017, June). What we don’t teach kids about sex [Video]. YouTube. https://www.ted.com/talks/sue_jaye_johnson_what_we_don_t_teach_kids_about_sex/discussion#t-11624.